Slow down just a little, darling

T will be 11 months old in 2 days' time. Mommy is having a lot of mixed emotions. First of all, I feel kinda sad because time flies so fast and she will be 1 year old soon! I miss her baby time so dearly. When she was still a tiny baby, how I wished she would grow bigger and stronger like other babies. But now that she is bigger and stronger, I miss her being small and tiny and babbly 😢

But at the same time, I'm glad that she is on track with her milestones and growing well despite not eating much. She is also very talkative and lively. Sometimes maybe a little too hyperactive.

My baby grows up so fast! In a blink of an eye! It seems like just yesterday I was still pushing her out of my belly. And yeah everyone was right about how I was gonna miss her kicking in my belly. I sure miss that feeling lots. Wish I could keep her in my belly again.

I'm reluctant to have a second child because I'm afraid I will not love him/her as much. T is after all my first born, I have experienced many firsts with her. She will always be my favourite. Maybe I will need time to wean myself off from these feelings 😁

Speaking of weaning, I don't think I'm able to wean T off breastfeeding when she reaches 1 year old. She latches to sleep now, and she loves to latch. But mainly because I think I won't be able to handle it. Yes, I admit I'm selfish for thinking this way. But it's hard to let go. I enjoy every moment bonding with her while nursing her. I guess we will stop when she wants to. Till then, I'm just gonna enjoy every moment of it because it's not gonna last long anyway 😢 She has given me many sweet memories which I will forever cherish in my heart. ❤️

Slow down just a little, my darling. Mommy wants to keep this little you in her heart forever.


Cherish every moment

My dear baby T,

Tonight as I held you in my arms and watched you sleep so peacefully, a tear rolled down my cheek as my emotions bubbled up inside me. Remember before you were 2 months old, how you constantly cried for hours and I just held onto you not knowing what to do. And how you always fell asleep on my chest after all those episodes of crying and screaming. You eventually outgrew all the crying and screaming, but you also outgrew sleeping on my chest, which I missed so much.

And then there were days when you refused to sleep unless you were cradled in my arms, and I couldn’t put you down lest you would scream and cry the whole house down. Those days, I felt so angry and frustrated from the lack of sleep and not being able to do anything else. You soon outgrew that too, but then I started to miss holding you in my arms while you sleep ๐Ÿ˜ข

Soon, you will learn to sit up, and crawl, and walk, and run. And you wouldn’t want to fall asleep in my arms anymore. I feel so emotional thinking of when it will be the last time I held you to sleep, kissed you to sleep, nursed you to sleep and held you close to my heart. With each new step you take as you grow up, there will also be my last times with you. For all these times we share, you might not remember it when you grow up. But I will always cherish them in my memory and in my heart. And for all the last times that I have to hold you, nurse you, feed you, kiss you and all… I will shed a tear when the moment comes for you to outgrow them. But I know you have to, for the sake of growing up. And I will miss those moments so dearly.

My dear baby T, I love you more than anything in the world. You are my world. Maybe some will say I spoil you, but from this moment on, I don’t want to have any regrets. I already have regrets from not doing enough for the past 5 months. I will hold you as much as I can, let you sleep in my arms for as long as you want, and everything else can wait while I watch you sleep, or make you laugh, or make you feel loved. Because I only have one chance of watching you grow up and you grow up way too fast. Soon you will leave our nest and spread your wings and fly.

You are God’s precious gift to me, my little miracle. However, I know that you are not mine to keep, as children are borrowed from God. Your time is loaned to us to be raised up to be independent and strong enough to fly on your own. Until then, I will try my best to make the most of this borrowed time we have together, and cherish every moment with you in my heart.

The days are long but the years are short.

Love, Mom.


Parenting noob

There is always a first time for everything, including parenting.  With the arrival of our first born, I think we were pretty clueless on many things. Including what kind of diapers to use, how to store baby clothes, how to choose the right bottles, etc etc. Among the crazy unbelievable things I have googled about that made me feel pretty noob were:

  1. Diaper reviews – hey, this can be pretty useful (and useless as well, as every baby is different). Who knows, I might write my own review one day, LOL ๐Ÿ˜€
  2. Milk bottle reviews – again, every baby is different and you’d probably end up experimenting with a number of brands anyway.
  3. How to fold onesies – yes, this noob mom doesn’t know how to fold them neatly and had to google it! Anyway, thanks to youtube and youtubers: https://youtu.be/AR_xqmabKlE
  4. How to carry a newborn – well don’t worry, once you become a mom, it comes naturally without needing google anymore.
  5. How to bathe a baby….!!
  6. Shaken baby syndrome – because I was so worried rocking the baby in the rocker, walking too fast with baby in arm, or taking her out for car rides would cause it (well, noob mom).
  7. SIDS – because a first time parent can never be too worried
  8. Purple crying – because T was constantly screaming and crying all the time!
  9. Colic (x1000)
  10. Autism (hmm….I don’t know why?)

One day, when T is all grown up and sees what her parents had googled or worried about when she was a tiny baby, I bet she would stick a huge label on our foreheads: “Paranoid Parent”.


My tiny little pudding

When T was born, she was so tiny despite being a full term baby (induced at exactly 40 weeks). She weighed only 2.29kg and looked like a preemie! Because she was so skinny without all the fats, and her face was so sunken. The only thing big and strong about her was:

  1. Her huge head!!
  2. Her voice. OMG….you could hear her screaming miles away.

After delivery I was in a bit of depression and was a tad bit sensitive whenever someone talked about her size. Probably because I felt I didn’t do a good job taking care of her while she was in my belly and sometimes did blame myself for her tiny pea size.

She was so tiny she couldn’t fit into all the newborn clothes we had! She couldn’t even fit well in the Fisher Price rocker I bought.

Despite being super tiny, her birth was quite an experience, and I did not breastfeed her after delivery (except for the first 10 minutes after being asked by the nurse) as I was throwing up from all the meds and having difficulty staying conscious. Well, formula is not poison and after the initial few weeks I did manage to finally fully breastfeed her 100%. She was a champion at breastfeeding ever since day 1.

My little champion was 3.6kg by one month old, and doubled her birth weight in her 2nd month ๐Ÿ™‚


Bringing up taufu

I love to eat taufufa (soy pudding). Hence, when my baby daughter was born on Sept 2016 and had a fair and smooth complexion and also a fairly weak and fragile immune system, I nicknamed her Taufufa in honour of my favourite dessert :). ย Yes, this mommy only thinks about food….hohoho!

I did not have a smooth labour and childbirth (it lasted a freakin 24 hours!!), but I sure am thankful to God for a healthy baby girl weighing merely 2.29kg. She doubled in weight before she was 3 months old, so all is good and she is in good health. ย Did I also mention that she happens to have a very loud voice? ย Oh yes, this little pudding loves to scream from her diaphragm, as my mom used to say!

The journey of parenthood is indeed a challenging one. I hope that by documenting our moments together, it will be cherished and remembered always ๐Ÿ™‚