My dear baby T,
Tonight as I held you in my arms and watched you sleep so peacefully, a tear rolled down my cheek as my emotions bubbled up inside me. Remember before you were 2 months old, how you constantly cried for hours and I just held onto you not knowing what to do. And how you always fell asleep on my chest after all those episodes of crying and screaming. You eventually outgrew all the crying and screaming, but you also outgrew sleeping on my chest, which I missed so much.
And then there were days when you refused to sleep unless you were cradled in my arms, and I couldn’t put you down lest you would scream and cry the whole house down. Those days, I felt so angry and frustrated from the lack of sleep and not being able to do anything else. You soon outgrew that too, but then I started to miss holding you in my arms while you sleep 😢
Soon, you will learn to sit up, and crawl, and walk, and run. And you wouldn’t want to fall asleep in my arms anymore. I feel so emotional thinking of when it will be the last time I held you to sleep, kissed you to sleep, nursed you to sleep and held you close to my heart. With each new step you take as you grow up, there will also be my last times with you. For all these times we share, you might not remember it when you grow up. But I will always cherish them in my memory and in my heart. And for all the last times that I have to hold you, nurse you, feed you, kiss you and all… I will shed a tear when the moment comes for you to outgrow them. But I know you have to, for the sake of growing up. And I will miss those moments so dearly.
My dear baby T, I love you more than anything in the world. You are my world. Maybe some will say I spoil you, but from this moment on, I don’t want to have any regrets. I already have regrets from not doing enough for the past 5 months. I will hold you as much as I can, let you sleep in my arms for as long as you want, and everything else can wait while I watch you sleep, or make you laugh, or make you feel loved. Because I only have one chance of watching you grow up and you grow up way too fast. Soon you will leave our nest and spread your wings and fly.
You are God’s precious gift to me, my little miracle. However, I know that you are not mine to keep, as children are borrowed from God. Your time is loaned to us to be raised up to be independent and strong enough to fly on your own. Until then, I will try my best to make the most of this borrowed time we have together, and cherish every moment with you in my heart.
The days are long but the years are short.