Of all the things I ever wished for, you are truly my wish came true.
Having a baby is no walk in the park. Although it has been almost 6 months since T was born, I thought I’d better write it all down before my memory dies on me one day.
Before baby T was born, I was so confident that she was going to be early, or “on time”. Unfortunately, T had other thoughts – lounging around in mommy’s womb seemed like a better idea. After taking long walks and cleaning the house 3 times with no sign of labour, I couldn’t wait and decided to induce labour at exactly 40 weeks.
Well, bad idea. And T was determined to let me know I should have let her stay much longer.
Cut a long story short, the labour lasted almost 24 hours with the most intense pain happening at around midnight. I have an extremely low tolerance for pain, yet the doc refused to allow epidural until I was dilated (I was 0cm dilated when induced!) so by then I had taken 2 painkiller shots and inhaled more than enough gas to make me pass out anytime. Both were useless at easing any pain at all. Finally, I was allowed epidural, the most heavenly and magical drug in childbirth. I have no words to describe the pain and grief labour can bring, but you know, the magic of epidural makes you forget all of that.
The doc broke the water bag the next morning at 3cm dilation and administered pitocin to kick up the contractions. I was fully dilated by lunch time. The doc came in and asked me to start pushing…. and the whole thing just felt kinda like having that kind of constipated poop that is coming out halfway through your butt hole but just hangs in there halfway and never manages to pop out no matter how hard you push until you feel like your head is about to explode. Hence, I must say the vacuum extractor is another magical invention in childbirth. After an hour of pushing, T was finally vacuum extracted out… and even though I couldn’t feel any pain, the feeling of a watermelon sized T popping right out of me was like the most relieving feeling in the whole world (after having her head stuck down there for an hour!). The funniest moment after T came out was the doc asking my husband if he wanted to cut the umbilical cord…
Doc: Do you want to cut the cord?
Hubs: Yeah, cut it… (obviously not understanding the question)
Doc: Do you want to cut it?
Hubs: Yeah, just cut it.
Me: (losing it) Omg, he means YOU cut the cord!!
Hubs: No no no….you do it!!
Yeah, I have the funniest sweetheart hubby in the world who was probably blur from the lack of sleep. By the time the doc was done stitching me up (I had a 5cm tear! And bad hemorrhoids after all that pushing), I was throwing up all over and felt really bad for throwing up on the poor nurse.
Recovery was a rollercoaster ride for me as well. On the first week I couldn’t pee and had to have my pee drained out at the hospital. Then my hemorrhoids were so bad that I could hardly control my farting and pooping. I couldn’t sit with all that pain as well and had a hard time breastfeeding T. The doc had suggested surgery to remove the hemorrhoids, but no way I was gonna have a surgery on my butt after having a “watermelon” pass through my vagina! 😂 I was in tears worrying about when my bladder was gonna burst from my inability to pee, or how the doc was gonna make me carry a pee bag around. Thank God I didn’t need a pee bag after all, and I managed to finally pee on my own a few days later.
Giving birth to T is definitely not a smooth sailing journey for me, it was also rough on T’s poor daddy as well. Even though we managed to check in to a single room ward, there was no extra bed for him to spend the night, only a narrow uncomfortable sofa with no blankets. He did not sleep well for the 2 nights we were at the hospital… and with T back at home, well nobody got any sleep! 😂 So, fathers make a lot of sacrifices too to watch their child come into this world. I hope T will grow up to appreciate and love her dad for all that he has done for her.
Being a mom definitely made me appreciate my mom even more. I remembered the time I left home to pursue my tertiary education some hundreds of miles away from home, and I saw my mom wiping her tears at the airport watching me leave. Maybe at that time I was feeling excited and couldn’t wait to leave home for the first time, but many years later I now understood how my mom felt at that moment when her little girl finally left the nest. I know that one day I will go through it as well, and I sure hope that moment will not come so soon. As my mom had said to me… the hardest part of being a mom is when you have to cut off the second and final umbilical cord, when your child is finally ready to leave the nest.
I am dreading the day when T is finally all grown up and ready to leave our nest and fly… but eventually she will. And until then, I shall make the most of every moment I have with her, cherish every memory I have with her, and love her the best I can. Sometimes, I still shed tears when I think of how she will leave me one day, but I know I need to keep reminding myself that she will eventually have her own life and her own happiness. I just pray that she will find happiness and the right path in her life. I will always be here for her whenever she needs me, I promise her that. And she will always be my dear little baby.